Write on...

When is it foolish to wait? To hope? To imagine something better than reality? Is it still called a dream when there is no light at the end of the tunnel? It it worth to hope when you can see the light but the end of the tunnel is nowhere near in sight? One step will lead you closer and the wrong step will lead you farther. The heaviness in my chest tells me to fight on and struggle when others simply give in. But how long can you fight for? How long can you be knocked down and still have strength to stand? Here I stand against all odds human made or greater still. Trying not to bend against someone else's will. The strongest will is my own. I refuse to fall, refuse to back down. If they knock me off my feet and on my knees I fall, I will refuse their whims. I will walk on my knees, not crawl. No one in history is remembered for being weak or frail. My armor is my conviction. My beliefs help me carry on. I will persevere. I will move on.

Writing

Never thought that I'd need to remind myself to breathe. Remind my heart to beat. My blood to flow. My mouth to speak. My mind to wait, patiently and eagerly at the same time. Never thought someone could impact me, make me react as I no longer was myself. I thought I understood it all but I know I couldn't have known what I know now. What I know now I clearly understand and at times I am baffled by my own lack of intelligence. My lack of security. My lack to fully let myself fall when I already know I've fallen and touched ground. I feel the world as constant as it is, on my shoulders, on my chest. Through it all I need to remind myself breathe, live, rest.

Music

So I have not written for a while between the job searching and interviews I really haven't been in the mood. Thoughts are constantly passing through my mind and it used to be I had to write things down so I would not explode but I have come to rely on music to let emotions and thoughts do their thing. I have always been attached to music one way or another. When I was a little kid I always wanted to be a singer but I have had mixed reviews, my family thinks I am tone deaf but I have to disagree and so do a lot of people. Have done a few talent shows in school and was part of chorus and have done a few solos the most popular was my heart will go on by Celine Dion, yes a ballad. Celine Dion is actually one of my favorite artists, I will love ballads always there's always something about them. They evoke feelings sometimes you didn't think you had.  At the same time music just seems to take your feelings and put them into tangible words.  You can take a sad song and it will let you express your emotions, sometimes feelings you didn't know you had. A happy song could change your mood. Music just changes everything. I sometimes think the reason Starbucks is so successful isn't only due to their delicious and highly fat drinks and pastries but also to their ability to create genius mixes that will lull you into a state of calm and at the same time productivity. Throughout college I worked at Starbucks and yet I was there during my time off to study for exams and to write my papers, I was rarely cooped in a library unless I was seriously cramming. I love libraries to read at leisure but for actual studying I think they are horrible, eerily quiet and lead to unproductivity on my end. So I recommend anytime you need to get your emotions through or can't find the words you need pick a song it will help you. Create a playlist of different songs you love.  I also recommend Pandora or Slacker, they will introduce you to artists you may not know you liked. One of my favorite stations I have created is called Mellow Coffee House I put it on when I want to relax, be creative or so on. And to those who think they are not creative creating your own station on Pandora or Slacker will make you feel like a DJ I promise and if not you just found yourself some new music enjoy... and that is music to my ears. LOL. See you all soon.